Sea Monkeys love the holiday season…listening to strange versions of “A Night Before Christmas”, spinning the dreidl, and dreaming of sugar plum fairies dancing in their ganglian clusters. In short, don’t leave your Sea Monkeys out of the holidays. Here are a few hints to help your Sea Monkeys both survive and enjoy the holiday season.


1. Don’t give the Sea-Monkeys circus items like flaming hoops in the hope that they will perform – they refuse to be degraded in that fashion.
2. A Lincoln town car.
3. Don’t put a pea in their tank and yell “Hey it’s a beach ball” as they will die and this may wreck your holiday season. (This is a true story).
4. Sea-Monkeys like to be included in the Christmas festivities. To make them feel included give them a stocking, let them open presents with the family, watch the tv specials, and overall, let them sit at the dinner table with you.
5. Your Sea-Monkey bubble necklace makes a great transporter for your Sea-Monkeys. So, try to take them carolling with you but make sure that you wrap them up in a scarf!
6. Don’t eat or blow up your Sea-Monkeys. I know that there is an obsession with maiming Sea-Monkeys but try to avoid doing this during the holiday season.
7. Even though Sea-Monkeys are generally communist, they still like to receive gifts. Try to give them such presents as Mao Tse Tung’s Little Red Book or a nice beard like Lenin’s.
8. Share your nog…need I say more.

Sea-Monkeys love the Yuletide season but what they love best are bad Christmas carols.

(Sung to “Frosty the Snowman”)

Perky the Sea-Monkey
Was a happy briny crustacean
He came from a packet
of Instant Life
And caused such a sensation

Oh Perky the Sea-Monkey
He was quite a sight
When he came to life
All the people cried
And we drank rum all night

There must have been some magic in that Magic Plasma II
For when we poured it in the tank
He began to sneeze “achoo”

Perky the Sea-Monkey
Was a lovely happy pet
How he came to be
Is a mystery
But, I’ll figure it out yet.


All I want for Christmas is to breathe through my feet
Breathe through my feet, breathe through my feet
All I want for Christmas is to breathe through my feet
So I can see another Christmas


You know Percy, and Perky, and Smeghead, and Poony
Spammy, and Pinky, and Bummy, and Loony
But do you recall
The most famous Sea-Monkey® of all?

Sputnik the red-toed Sea-Monk
Had revolutionary notions
He wanted to control the means of
Sea-Monkey® production.

All of the other Sea-Monkeys®
Mocked him and were quite rude
They never let poor Sputnik
Eat the special Grow-Quick food.

Then late one Saturday night
Sputnik planned a coup
They overthrew the bourgeois owner
And stole all of the food

All of the Sea-Monkeys® loved him
And appointed him Chair-Man
Sputnik the red toed Sea-Monk
What a glorious 5 year plan.

Share your holiday fun and holiday pictures with the Sea Monkey Lady


There’s more to the holiday season than gaining a few extra pounds from all the chocolate treats or fattening up that Christmas goose for slaughter. There’s also presents! Are you having trouble finding the perfect present for that hard-to-buy-for loved one? I know that I am. And nothing says I love you like Sea Monkeys! But please remember — Sea Monkeys aren’t just for Christmas, they’re for life…well, their lives anyway…


Sea Monkey prezzies for all!!!
Sing a few Sea Monkey Christmas songs
Share your thoughts with the Sea Monkey Lady

Sea Monkey Updates 1

March 6th, 2003
Created the 2003 Sea Monkey Catalogue
Updated the Sea Monkey products news page
Updated the Sea Monkey news page with South Park and Samurai Jack references.

March 4th, 2003
Created the March 4, 2003, entry of the Diary of a Mad Sea Monkey Lady
Changed all the e-mail addresses on the to re-direct to the contact page
Updated a few links here and there
Updated the first page with the information about on line store now shipping to Canada and the UK

November 6, 2002
Created the Sea Monkey Holiday page with ideas for Sea Monkey presents and a few songs to sing along with!
Updated the retail and on-line locations page! Wow, that was a lot of work!
Updated the where to buy my book page!

August 26, 2002
Fixed all the pages with the broken Link Counter link. They started charging money to use the service, and as I don’t take money to run this site, I decided not to subscribe. Hence the reason the links have been down for quite some time
Created the Diary of a Mad Sea Monkey Lady to share my thoughts with the world (as if anyone cares….)
Updated the web links page with new links and removed broken ones
Updated the on-line retailers page with new on-line retailers and fixed the broken links.
Updated the celebrity gossip page with proper names, and removed a picture that one Elvis impersonator’s manager wanted removed as she felt it wasn’t good for his image (give me a break…)
Updated the index page with the Sea Monkey club/chat information, and with the new banner for the on-line retail site.

July 24th, 2002
Updated index page with new information about
Benelux official site!
Created the Where to Buy My Book Page
on the site.
Added the guest map on the
Sea Monkey fun page!

Updated the
news page
with information about the Sea Monkey PS1 and GBA video game!
Updated the celebrity gossip page with the sightings of Elvis and the Sea Monkeys!

May 7th, 2002
Updated each and every single page with my new e-mail address:
Updated the contact page with my new interview schedule

April 7th, 2002 (wow, I’ve been busy, eh?)
Updated the Songs of Experience,negative poetry page with new poems
Updated the Songs of Innocence, positive poetry page, with new poems
Updated the Ask the Sea Monkey Lady page

April 6th, 2002
Updated the contacts page with new media appearances

March 21st, 2002
Added poll to the Sea Monkey fun page. Give your opinion on your favorite tank!

March 11th, 2002
Updated the contacts page with information on the Sea Monkey Lady’s media appearances! So busy these days, but it’s going to be great fun!!!
Updated the birth page with new announcements!
Updated the Songs of Experience: Bad Sea Monkey poetry page with some great new positive poetry! Nice to see people actually caring for their Sea Monkeys instead of eating or flushing them!

March 6th, 2002
Removed forum because Bravenet services are down!
Adjudicated contest — will advise winner in next few days if my service stays up!

February 21st, 2002
Added the forum to the page. Hope it works out, and doesn’t get all pornographic and negative as it did last time!

February 20th, 2002
Put a link on the index page begging people to tell me where they are coming from as I had over 2600 people visit the site on this date!

February 18th, 2002
Created the new holiday page with accompanying picture pages. Took down the longer photo essays.

February 8th, 2002
Created the new National Sea Monkey Day page full of all kinds of party ideas for National Sea Monkey Day!

January some time, 2002
Sea Monkey diving oxygenator product preview! Yay!

Sea Monkey Catalog 1

MAY 16th

So you want to hold a National Sea Monkey Day party, but you’re just not sure where to start?

First, start with the music!

The Pixies
Sea Monkey Stew. Apparently it’s what’s for dinner…
Ed and the Refridgerators and their song “Sea Monkeys”! (Quite an accurate portrayal about Sea Monkey creation and ownership.)

Secondly, prepare some food stuffs…..May I suggest something with a shrimpy theme?


Baby shrimp Sunomono salad
Restaurant Style Coconut Shrimp
Beer Battered Shrimp

Main courses:

Red Lobster’s Shrimp Pasta
Shrimp and Avocado Quesadillas
Bacon Wrapped Shrimp
Pistachio-Crusted Pork Scaloppine with Mango Shrimp

Side dishes:

Stuffed Banana Peppers Royale


Banana Strawberry Smoothie (get it, it’s the banana reference….) And just add some algae and you’ve got a full healthy meal here…..
Fun Fruit Shakes
Alcoholic drinks with bananas in them


Banana Cream Cake
Fried Bananas Almandine

Thirdly, you need some party favors….Some ideas:

Make a Sea Monkey banner (write to me for some pictures!)
Wear Sea Monkey hats like this one
Use your Sea Monkeys as party favors! Get out the Penquarium and have a little dance
A Sea Monkey centerpiece made of your favorite tank — make sure it’s stable!

Any more ideas? Write to the Sea Monkey Lady and share!


This page is intended for new and negative “Bad” Sea Monkey Poetry.To qualify as “negative” poetry a poem must include negative /wp-content/themes/sea-monkey/images of Sea Monkeys, mutant and/or freakish Sea Monkeys or a mangled Sea Monkeys, and/or the purposeful killing of a Sea Monkey. These poems fit this criteria.



My sea monkeys are alive right now.
But I’m running out of food for them.
I bet they never even liked that green stuff anyway.

The first one that died was eaten by the rest.
Soon there will be only one left.
And it will slowly waste away.

My sea monkeys refuse to breed.
I think they are the last of a forgotten race.
That is on the highway to extinction.

My last sea monkey died today.
Because it found out

Submitted by Sergio Cornaga, New Zealand

“Sea Monkeys Can’t Outrun the Law”

Sea Monkeys can’t hold guns
Sea Monkeys can hardly run
But when the five-0 is coming
They know their time is done.

Dedicated in memory of our departed sea monkeys and to the police chief who so abruptly ended their lives.

Submitted by Sphincter Boy and Monkey Girl

a haiku:

my mutant monkey
sadly, you are all that’s left
too bad you scare me

Submitted by alexis

Untitled haiku

Sea monkeys swirl
round and round
in my blender tornado of doom

Submitted by Dan Bogus

You Should Have Told Me

I sit on your couch
You lecture me in that damn way
Talking about dormant critters
Like they were the second coming

I see the telltale blue plastic
I go over and look
I pick up the sacred container
And say, I feed these to my fish

I expect the top to stay put
So I turn over your jewel
And the resurrected creatures
Spill out onto the floor

Oops, sorry about that
As a tear rolls down your face
I see that it will be a while
Before you get over your divorce

Submitted by Dee Smith

Funky Monkey

I walk to the store and a SeaMonkey is what I got,
but what I didn’t expect with the monkey i bought.
He was weird, mishaped, and funky,
“OH NO” I yelled; “I got a Funky Monkey!”.
He was green not pink,
He wore a coat made of Mink
Who was I to blame?,
this monkey thought he had fame.
I tried to get a refund,
but what they did to us is make fun.
I had to keep this SeaMonkey,
we knew that all he would be is a Funky Monkey.

Submitted by Nicole R.


The owl and the pussy cat went to sea in a beautiful pea green boat.

Seas grew rough – began to churn,
lashing winds began to burn,
a tempest fierce our neptune raised.
While in the depths sea monkeys played,
gleeful in their happy way,
soon to savour, a cat,
…. and a bird of prey.

Submitted by MG


scared lil seamonkey

run lil seamonkey,run
oh you have no feet

now you must die !!!!

Submitted by Jeremy Ways

Ode To A Lazy Chef

Sea Monkeys on toast
Not quite the Sunday roast.

Submitted by Mauggie Knight (pronounced K-ni-ggit)

Seamonkeys At Dawn!

They watch, they wait, they listen
Sea Monkeys at Dawn
They think, they wait, they giggle
Sea Monkeys at Dawn

Who will stop them
Who can know
How to defeat such a terrible foe?

They watch, they wait, they listen
Sea Monkeys at dawn

I cry out in rage and pain
Will I ever be free again?
I must stay with them
Dumping in the growth food
Sea Monkey’s at dawn

I begin to resent them
Hating them for thier neediness
Much like a girl I once dated
Couldn’t flush her though
But she reminds me of
The Sea Monkeys at Dawn

“Set me free you devils!”
I scream at the sky,
waving the pointy stick of uselesness
About me and in a threatening way
to the Sea Monkey’s at dawn

I wait, I watch, I listen
for the Sea Monkey’s at Dawn.

By Ian “I’m okay now” Gibbs
C 2001 – Gibber Productions Look for Ian’s other poems in his compilation “The other side of lunacy” from Syko Books. Ian now resides in Victoria where he is kept mostly in a dark room, away from pointy objects.


Looky, looky, sea monkey me
Swimming in my green algae sea
Flipping, flitting, locking my horns
Making my own sea monkey porn

Submitted by Brian for Christia

Sea of Monkeylove

See a sea of monkeys
swimming swiftly in the brine
‘Tis the zen of fish bowl magic
which softly soothes the monkey mind

Monkey sea, monkey dew
Can you feel my love for you

Dew the morning droplets
have gathered ‘neath a broken tank
Like the great Titanic
my tiny shrimp hath sank

Monkey sea, monkey dew
Time to say goodbye to you

Where have all the monkeys gone?
To the zoo? Upon the vine?
Only a faded memory of love and
monkeys I can’t find

Monkey sea, monkey dew
Nothing left but love for you

Submitted by Susan Maltby


I did love my sea monkeys, but now they are gone,
I’m not sorry to say their destruction was fun.

It was their fault!
It was their fault!

We attempted to bond over Doctor Who.
They did not like it (neither do you).

It was their fault!!
It was their fault!!

How do you like being my cloudy water now, sea monkeys?

Submitted by LeeSa Good


Sea monkeys: germs.
Sea monkeys: race hatred.
Sea monkeys: crack babies.
Sea monkeys: foul odors.
Sea monkeys: asteroid collisions.
Sea monkeys: Communism.
God, I love sea monkeys.

Submitted by Vine Smith

Sea monkey no go

I watched them swim
then realised
that even sea monkeys must die
sea monkey born
sea monkeys life make me cry
sea monkey not invincible

Submitted by Aditya Jacob

Sea Monkeys

Chorus: As I sleep in my bed,
Sea Monkeys float through my head,
They are stalking me,
It is frightening

Little fungus that I grow in a jar
I bought them in England, a land from afar
And now they want revenge for leaving their home
And they want me to end up in a catacomb


One night I wake up to find a knife by my bed,
And the Sea Monkeys still dancing around my head,
And I fill with a fear that runs straight through my soul
And it seems to leave some kind of emotional hole
Frying my brain I can the feel the pain,
The Sea Monkeys are trying to make some kind of a gain
A psychological battle; it’s all in my head
And yet it makes me wish that I was dead


There is no escape, all hope is doomed
The Master Sea Monkey above my bed loomed,
I am now but a mindless mental slave
I’ve just dug my very own grave
Into which I can toss my old life and free will
My mind is nearly a blank, it reads out “KILL”
I am now one of the Sea Monkeys, going about doing devilish things
I wish I could escape, if only I had wings
They have taken over my body and mind,
The gears of my brain begin to grind
Its shutting down and comes a new perspective,
A view that I am part of some kind of collective
An organized group, a sophisticated crime ring;
Won’t somebody help me- someone or something.

Submitted by Craphead

If you have a poem that you would like to see included on the Sea Monkey Bad Poetry Pages please submit it to the Sea Monkey Lady.


Welcome to the Sea Monkey Songs of Innocence page, featuring poems that express the love we have for our Sea Monkeys! I can assure you that you will find no poems exhorting the joy of flushing your briny friends, nor any extolling the virtues of drinking them, swallowing them, dumping them, or tipping their tank over. These are poems to celebrate the love our pets bring to us, to celebrate the joy we feel when we interact with them, and to celebrate the wonder we feel when we look into their
tiny world and, perhaps, picture what life is like in those briny depths. I hope these inspire you to be nicer to your Sea Monkeys! If you want to submit a poem, please send it to the Sea Monkey Lady and indicate whether you think it’s a nice poem or a naughty one! Also, please let me know if I have your permission to use the poem in an upcoming book or in my interviews (I like to read poetry on the air…’s great fun!) If you wish to read more
Sea Monkey poetry, please check out “The Ultimate Guide to Sea Monkeys”.

Untitled poem

Seamonkey i’m hurt
i do not know what happened
i do not know what to do
Seamonkey i wish i shadnt miss u

Name not given

I Have a Dream


I have a dream. A dream that sea monkeys will be given equal rights as humans. That it will be illegal for people not to have raised successfully at least one “squall” of sea-monkeys before age 18. That sea-monkeys too, will be given the right to vote. That a sea-monkey will be able to walk into a 7-11 and not be stared at as though he is some sort of brine shrimp or something. That sea monkeys will be given the chance to go to school and that they will be a protected species, like pandas. That
they will be able to send their children to school without having to worry if someone will flush them when they are being given a swirly. That more people will actually know what a sea monkey is. That people will share the the same respect of sea monkeys as I do. That more people will go to because it is such a good site.
Submitted by Steve W.

I Miss My Monkeys

Last night I heard a terrible clatter,
and the sound of water on the carpet that splattered.
I knew immediately what took place,
by the upset awe on my girlfriends face
Little buzz, astrocreep, and sally too,
on the floor now lay in a puddle of goo.
I was mad at first but now I cry,
As my monkeys move on to that ocean in the sky.

Written for my wonderful monkeys give to me at Christmas, that my fiance “accidentally” knocked over,
She is under observance.

Submitted by Max

At First….





Submitted by Magic 71

On the Death of a Fair Infant Dying of a Cough (-with thanks to Milton)

It’s a tale of love and a tale of woe,
It’s the tale of how my Sea-Monkeys grow.

I hatched them on a fateful eve,
Fervently praying that they would breathe.

And- hark! They did, and my future was brighter.
With Monks in my world, my soul was much lighter.

They swim and they squiggle, they laugh and they play,
And I swear, God as my witness, I could watch them all day!

It’s a MIRACLE- a miracle of life, says the book,
and I believe it, I do, for when they were born, the Earth shook.

But the woe came in (as always, to balance the good)
when monkey Biology we misunderstood:

We thought they’d be GIANTS, and burst through the tank!
We thought that our Grandma would marvel at their length!

We thought they would greet us, and hug us “Hello!”
We thought they would dance for us and make us Jell-O!

We obviously overestimated.

Submitted by Krin and Seedknee

Don’t Spill My Monkeys

Oh No, here comes Rhakeem looking for some gold
Now he has spilled my monkeys, they were only 1 hour old
Now Sasha comes along thinking it some silly game
She turns the tank upside down and makes sea monkey rain
Nancy thinks its a snow globe and she stops by to shake it
I don’t know if my poor sea monkeys are ever gonna make it
Please don’t touch my monkeys, or spill them anymore
I started out with sixty, now I have only three or four
Stay away from the aquarium if you know what’s best
I don’t want any more sea monkeys dying in a puddle on my desk

Submitted by Jason Pauley
Sea-Monkey gone!

My Sea-Monkeys have simply gone!
Disappeared, forgotten, had the gong.
Oh, look! There in the water see;
One just as happy as can be!
There’s another! I’m happy too.
“Now I can live well, just for you!”
“There are two more of your kind,
That I myself have managed to find.”
Four! My grief has turned to joy!
“You each will have a different toy.”
Written by Jill S. M. Hunter. You can see my stories at the Wall O’ Grief


I have a batch of Sea Monks,
I love them so, I do,
they swim around, swim
in circles above their little
green tank, so green, and
I love to watch you, to see
your little bodies swimming,
and to see your eyes, your
tiny little eyes, staring,
staring, staring at me
through the plastic that
is your home, oh how
I love you so,
my strange little pets
Submitted by Jeremy Stark

Untitled non-rhyming couplet
roses are red,
sea monkies are not

Submitted by Kali

Untitled free verse poem

sacred monkey of the sea
eternal friend of me
a little fish you are not

monkey you are!
oh, how i yearn to be your pal
never leave me, little gal
keep me in your heart and soul
ever swimming in your bowl (tank)

Submitted by Kali

Four O’clock Tragedy

This I promise you
No more aquarium bongs
Oh, my poor Sea Monkey
Submitted by W.A. Leyva

Mean People Eat Sea-Monkeys

Sea-Monkeys are edible,
some folks think it’s just fine,
but it would be murder
to eat a shrimp of brine.

Sea-Monkeys are edible,
Some people think it’s yummy,
but just remember this one phrase:
“You’re killing friends, you dummy!”

Sea-Monkeys are on the web,
It is very handy,
but the Sea-Monk Worship Site
is just the most dandy!

Submitted by Greg Stefaniuk

(note: sucking up to me is the best way to ensure your poem will get on the page…just a note….)

Untitled (yet again!)

Little Sea Monkeys
I waited so long for you to
and now
my favorite Christmas present
everyone of you is dead
and Jessie asks
if I can’t keep Sea Monkeys alive
what kind of mother will I be?

Submitted by Janelle Alvstad


swim little sea- monkeys swim while you can ,swim so my brother can put
food colour in your tank.swim little sea-monkeys swim while you can swim
so my dad dosent put you in a can,swim little sea-monkeys swim while you
can swim so mum can make me give you away.swim little sea-monkeys swim
while you can swim so we wont have to say good bye.

Submitted by Rashini Horsfall & Emma van Woedern

You look like an angel in the sunlight
But I hate when you guys fight

Cause one of you always dies
And its hard to say my goodbyes

Submitted by JulietZ


Ode to the Sea Monkeys

I love my Sea-Monkeys
They are cool
Alas i lost mine
when bruv was playing the fool

I was really mad!!
so bruv took a dip
in the bath
what a drip!

I still think of them
my loved ones
they never got a chance
to become Dads or Mums

But one survived
Little Lucky Lizzie
To think of her ordeal
makes me feel dizzy

I hope that she
will be a mum one day
lots of babies

Submitted by Spuddy, an old Fuddy-duddy

The Monkeys of the Sea

They splish and splash
In the little jar of water.
As I look down at the
jar filled with specks of blue and pink
I wonder if there is
Someone looking down
At me, seeing just
A little speck,
Trying to teach me tricks
And waiting for me to die.

Submitted by Velma

Untitled poem

I love my seamonekeys
they are so-a sweet
ages shall go-a by
but-a hopefully-a not them
they-a jump for-a joy when-a I am-a

Submitted by Mark and Lori Croft

Sea Monkey poem

i am getting out the food
time to feed my monkeys of the tank
stop, i see a strange thing
nothing in the green tank
i stand back and blink
i have waited too long

they do not store food for up to four weeks like my hamster

wait… what’s this i see?
a sea monkey. one tiny speck is moving through the water
i smile at my hamster


Submitted by Amanda Williams



Brush With Death

This morning I woke
And as I got ready for work
I checked on my sea monkeys
Sparky and James T. Kirk

I looked in the tank
But I did not see
Sonny and Cher
Smiling at me

I thought what they needed
Was just a bit of sunlight
So I put them on my window sill
And hoped they would be all right

Lo and behold
Sea monkeys appeared
They frolicked so happily
I laughed and I cheered

As I started to get dressed
I told my cat to be good
Naively, I guess
I believed that she would

I continued getting dressed
When I heard a sound
I knew what it was
Before I turned around

There were my sea monkeys
Right on the edge
I knew if I didn’t act fast
The cat would knock them over the ledge!

I leaped to the window
To save the day
My cat got scared
And ran away

I did not want them ever
To fall down and go boom
So I thought they’d be safer
If I put them in my parent’s room

Then I went to work
I had not a worry
I knew before long
I’d see Deedee, Dexter, and Murray.

Submitted by Kristine



Submitted by Price Fish

Experimental Poem #3

i am a sea monkey a monkey of
the sea that is me so if me the monkey
of the sea is me living in the sea and sea monkeys
can see which of the monkeys of the sea, sea monkeys
in the sea can see which sea monkey of the sea is me?
monkey sea monkey do sea monkey stunts in the sea for monkeys of the sea are
sea monkeys 4 me and me sea is sea monkey of the sea which sea monkey of the
sea is me?
monkeys of sea are me!
if monkey shall sea, monkey shall do for monkey is no monkey that is me, the
monkey of the sea! a sea monkey that is me me of the sea monkeys living in the
sea which holds me and me 2 of the sea which nears the tree of bees but me
will always be a monkey of the sea,
a sea monkey
Submitted by Buffy Shell


Sea monkey
All cool

Oh, ah
Ya, got nothing for Y

Submitted by a guy


Swimming up and down your little tank,
I’ll name you puddles, flipper and frank.

How I wish I could be in there swimming with you,
Although my germy body could never do.

As I watch you laying your little babies,
I ask people to watch, but all I get are maybes

As I share you with my family,
I jump up and down and shout with glee.

As I share the internet with my sea monkey Kati,
I read her the qestions and answers from the intelligent sea monkey lady.

Submitted by Patricia Marroquin

sea-monkeys in the tank, alas

sea-monkeys in the tank, alas
sea-monkeys in the tank, alas
short longer yellow sea-monkeys
yellow longer shorter sea-monkeys
if the were not sea-monkeys
what were they?

Submitted by Robert ‘Sea-Monkey’ Weekley

Die See-Affe

Sea Monkeys die schwimmen gerne,
ob ganz nah oder in weiter Ferne.
Spass haben sie gerne viel,ganz besonders bei dem Spiel.
Eine ganz besondere Wonne,ist die Wärme von der Sonne.
Sea Monkeys sie lieben sich,dann gibts viele Babys für mich.
Fressen tun sie auch ganz viel,wichtig für das spätere Spiel.

Submitted by Anette Kaufmann


koffey yam ze davar sameach
ve ze gam lokeach
lo kol yom roim davar kaze yaffe
ba akvarium ha homme
hem miZdaynim kol hayom
ve ani lo matzliach lishon
kshe baim chaverim, samim magevet
ve li benatayim ein al ma lashevet .

Sea Monkeys Are a Happy thing
And It “Takes” You.
not every day you sea such a beautifull thing
Is not to be seen evey day in a bizzy-bizzy Place
When They procreate All Day Long I can’t Sleep,
when friends come over I hide them Under A big towel
and me meanwile I have got nothing to sit on .

Edited for content

Submitted by Dror Herrenson

C-Monkey in B Flat

I received a Sea monkey kit on X-mas day
and I have yet to stop my play
The sea monkey family has changed my life
and now I completely ignore my wife
Their joyous dancing and playing too,
makes me yearn to be part of their little sea monkey zoo
Everyday is a new suprise
I can’t wait to open my eyes
For, there waiting are my watery friends
I hope our time together never, ever ends!!!:)

Submitted by Willow and Ken

Amazing Grace (sea monkey version)

as written by Deanna Delffs. My Sea Monkeys
My sea monkeys;
How sweet they were,
What killed their little souls?
Now their gone,
away from me,
I’m sad, but now they’re free!

Submitted by DropZone41 and Deanna Delffs

I Wish…./

I wish I were a Sea Monkey, a monkey of the sea,
for if I were a seamonkey I could eat my growth foody,
And if I were a good Monkey my special Bannana Treat
given to me by my euphoric owner,
but I wouldn’t like to be poked and prodded by my master’s evil friends.
I wish I were a Sea Monkey,
but then again I don’t
for I wouldn’t have much of a brain
and I’d be like the scarecrow
forever crying
If I Only Had A Brain

Submitted by Donovan Keith (11) and Maggie Grove (11)


I love you my seamonkey
because you dance so funky
You make my mashed potatoes seem lumpy
And my peanut butter chunky

I do love you my seamonkey so dear
Whether you are far or near
I will take care of you, have no fear
When you’re sad, I’ll make you cheer!

Submitted by Tom Drachenberg

Monkey Boys

we like the sea monkeys very much
i wish i was a sea monkey then
i could travel the sea a lot
and vaccuum the sand on the
bottom of the ocean because
i think that sometimes the
sand gets dirty its been there
for so long have a good day

Submitted by Amanda Gandhi


All I can say is that,
I Love My Sea Monkeys..and they love me.
If only this world could adopt the Sea Monkey way of life…..we as human beings
could and would live in absolute harmony. I wish I were a Sea Monkey.
I can only dream………..

Submitted by Moe

Little Floaties

Little floaties in the tank
Swimming, Swimming, Searching for freedom

Submitted by -Missy


“Instant Life” the Monkey powder,
Looks kinda like dried clam chowder,
Never seen a powdered monkey?,
Send mail to Transcience,
and get all funky,
little specks,
those monkey dudes,
then they get large,
in charge,
and cool,
Monkey paradise

By Auston “Geek-Boy” or whattever

Sea Monkey Love

Monkey of the sea,
will you run away with me?

While I smell your sweet breath,
I just want to kiss you to death.

I know I could probably sent to prison,
for all this sea-monkey kissin’.

It makes me want to weep
to know you’ll be dead in 8 to 12 weeks.

O dear sweet monkey of the sea,
will you make love to me?

Submitted by Mike Fair and Brent Caldwell

Saddam Hussein Ate My Sea Monkeys

How I love your beady eyes,
And your little feeler things
And the way a moving light source
Makes you swim around in rings.

Submitted by Sea Steven and Monkey Marcus

The New Shortest Poem


Submitted by Sea Steven and Monkey Marcus

Magical Sea Monkeys

My little friends,
gather ’round for fun
I have brought you a new
To make your life more full
more interesting
and more exciting.
It’s Magic Rocks!
What fun, they cried!
It’s Magic Rocks!
Now we can be magical too
they cried!
I cried
with joy
in colours
as magical as those rocks……

Submitted by Susan Barclay

Monty Python’s Flying Sea Monkeys

I’m a sea monkey and I’m okay,
I sleep all night and I swim all day.
I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspenders and a bra.
I wish I’d been a monkey, just like my dear papa.

Submitted by Sea Steven and Monkey Marcus

Sea-Monkey Computer Programmers

I had a Sea-Monkey named Brain.
He had an enormous cerebrum.
(He wasn’t exactly sane,
But he sure wasn’t dumb.)
In fact, he was a programmer for IBM.
He was bespectacled and stayed up till 2:00
He coworked with other mondo-cerebrums
The way most PC programmers do.
Till one day, his hard drive crashed And he dove in to find the fault,
But the spinning CDROM got him mashed,
Which brought Brain’s life to a halt.

The moral of this story:
That’s why you leave it to the PC technician.

Submitted by Jennifer Frank and Cassie Bailey

A Swell Haiku

Oh, you look so cute
My little pretty monkeys
You all rock so hard!

Submitted by Joyce Bradley


I once saw a monkey
hanging from a tree
I thought they live in water
but there he was in front of me

Submitted by Erik Nesse

Shortest submission ever
sea monkey wept

Submitted by Derek Botten

Dance, O Dance, Sea – Monkey Gay
–To the tune of Francesco Durante’s Danza, Danza, Fanciulla Gentile

Danza, danza, sea monkey al mio cantar;
Dance, O dance, sea monkey, to the song that I sing.
Gira leggera, swim
Al suono, al suono del l’on de del mar!
E chein vitaa danzar
Swimming, senza posa, senza
Whispering, dance on! Swim on!
Danza, danza, sea monkey gentile, sea monkey gentile,
Al mio cantare,
To the song that I sing!
Dance, O dance to the song that I sing!

Submitted by Jennifer Frank

A composition

Little Sea-Monkey
There in your bowl
I’ve always wondered:
Do you have a soul?

A question to ponder:
quite philosophical
A thought-
Do you have a soul?

Submitted by Erik Nesse

Love poem from one sea monkey to another:

Sweet yummy monkey I love you so
You make my monkey bunky glow

There are many monkeys in the sea
But you’re the sea monkey just for me

Come, sea monkey, let’s paint the town
We’ll paint west side and east side and upside and down

Everything’s coming up roses for me
My sea monkey’s spelunking under the sea
The treasure he’ll find will be special, not lame
Because he can light my sea monkey flame

Submitted by Emily C. Monkey


Swimming seemingly slow
they travel along
glass bottom
notes to a growth
to a place once inhabited.

The vibrations will not last
and are not seen
but believe me, they’re beautiful
on shelf, in bathroom, or anywhere
you plant them in
with Sea Monkey Blues.

Submitted by Daniel Elzinga

O how terrible I felt
When beside your tank I knelt.
Inside the tank I carefully peered
But you all had disappeared!
But once I took a closer glance,
I could not help but be entranced,
For upon the tank’s dark and gloomy floor,
I noticed 500 dead sea monkeys, maybe more.
Your food packet empty for weeks,
Though you starved, you couldn’t scream nor speak.
So you all died in vain,
I hope your passing was without pain.
I’m so sorry, my poor monkeys of the sea,
Sincerely signed, your adoree.

Submitted by Alena Davis

O sweet sea monkey,
So full of life;
How I want to take you for my wife!

Yet I cannot hold you;
Though so small and agile,
You are too fragile.

I must confess,
Alack, that, this is the end
Swim on, Love, with your friends.

Submitted by Alena Davis

Silly Sea Monkey
I put you by the window
You don’t like the sun?

Submitted by Danny Gardina

Lincoln Owned Sea Monkeys

I’ve made love to the greatest whore
I’ve taken to bed the hottest date
But nothing even compares to
Rolling in the hay with a Sea Primate

I’ve had fine opium from Peru
And often I’ve braved heroin’s fang
But by far I can get higher
By shooting up a Sea Orangutan

I’m tired of Bono asking me to party
He’s cool and all, but you see
The one that I really rock out on
Is the deity Sea Chimpanzee

I was getting high with Jesus
He asked me not to leave so soon
“Sorry” I told him
My real savior is the Sea Baboon!

I was talking to Pat Buchanan
About his policy of no abortions, even for rape
He just doesn’t get it
Apparently he’s never chatted with a Sea Ape

So remember my dear reader
If you can smell death soon
Just remember to click your heals together 3 times
And say “There’s Nothing like a Sea Baboon”

Submitted by Tom Jamgochian

extra chunky
sea monkey
don’t you know i crave your love?
with your monkey flab i kiss
O never would your flab i ‘diss.

extra chunky
sea monkey
don’t you know i need your love?
super spunky
sea monkey
tell me that its me you love.

Submitted by Tim Anderson

Sea Monkeys and Spam…

I gave my Sea-monkey some spam
Instead little Hector just ran
I guess will not; He shall not
Eat that acronymical spiced ham!

By Erik Nesse

the monkey racetracks.

my friends come over
with their sea-monkeys
one guy brings his race track
(he bought it for 5 dollars)
and he smiles and says
i hope you brought cash
and then he says he bets me
ten bucks that ahhhnold
his favorite sea-monkey
will win the race

well, ahhhnold doesn’t
my sea-monkey
wins the race
i am so happy
but rambo passes out
from heat exhaustion
and i cry
the city gets mad
and protests against
gambling and racing sea-monkeys
and the local humane society
gets irked
but i keep racing
(i am a gambling addict)
and my buds and i get arrested
and my devoted pets are
distributed to foster homes

now i am all alone
and sometimes i get hate mail
from rambo
but mostly
letters from my old sea friends
who miss me and have dysfunctional lives
and who got flushed
and eaten
and some even placed back into
suspended animation

so you may have rambo
you may have ahhhnold
or you may have a dysfunctional monkey
who misses me and who has
devoted him (or her) self to
eating man before
man can eat him
beware the dysfunctional monkeys!!!…

By jennifer marion frank
Ode to a summer’s Sea Monkey(R)

Well open your eyes,
To this ubiquitous act…
For science fiction will soon become
Science fact!

Swimming along against their currents,
A new breed of life is here.
With a crush of power they hatch,
Stupendously animated; so austere.

Will they ever grow? the question looms high.
But growth proves imminent–
Your Sea Monkeys will certainly bloom,
You must believe in it!

Even with no real sense of maternity,
Sea Monkeys will live under no lie,
Assexually reproducing,
These wonders never die!

So get ready to exercise your power,
For what other creature lets you play God?
What other pet can succumb to your wrath,
Yet needs no such approving nod?

Sea Monkeys(R)!
Speak it loud, speak it clear!
For with these pulsating pets at your guard
you will never need fear!

Submitted by Jon McCandlish


Beautiful Sea Monkey
If only I were a sea monkey
I could see their world
If only they were I
They’d have every right to cry

To be and see as a sea monkey
Definitely strange, but necesarry
Caged in a plastic tank
They yearn to be free

What a strange life it was
Strange as it is they are more free than we
Little do we know
They understand our love

Time for us to change
Let us all become sea monkeys

by Mr. Bojangles


Sea monkey, Sea monkey
You are my God
You swim and say nothing
Rather odd

If only you could speak
I’m sure you would say something
But since you can’t
It all means nothing

Sea monkey, Sea monkey
Your life will be short
Sea monkey, Sea monkey
To die would be smart

Escape, escape
Beautiful sea monkey
Your life is to fragile
Escape, escape

By Mr. Bojangles
In Honour of a Birth

See Sea Monkeys
Sea Monkeys See
See, I told you
Sea Monkeys See.

Submitted by Blaine Currie

Cool funky
Sea Monkey
Dazzling through the starless night of the thousand generations I

see you snarling
Free in your captivity
Wild in your tiny spaces
No heart can rule you, vicious atom beasts;-
-or can it?-

Cool funky
Sea Monkey
There is one; there is a mind more wild than all your infinite
Dazzling in its leering rage
Free in all its power
His controls you; his is the dominant light stick
-in his magic are you spellbound-

Cool funky
Sea Monkey
Free worlds tremble in fear at your mighty displacements
(yours is the power which may make humble the Gods)
But he sees and smiles only
He is your master!!
-and in his rage do you tremble-

Cool funky
Sea Monkey
I must confess that I’m pretty frightened of you myself
(I saw what you did to that goldfish)
Vicious snarling atom beasts
Why do you fear him?
why is his the power which renders you futile?
-but it is; it is-

Cool funky
Sea Monkey
I have seen you follow his commands
For when he waves his light stick, you travel where he bids you!
You follow HIS commands! he is your master and oh how his enemies

are startled!
He is Mr. S! Bow before him! Tremble!

America when will you take off your clothes?

Submited by Brian Phillips

“Monkey Sea-Monkey Do”

When I eat peanut butter
Baby, you know I like it chunky.
But when it comes to pet-deities,
It’s gotta be sea-monkeys.

I went to see James Brown,
And I thought he was pretty funky.
But he don’t gotta thing,
On my sacred sea-monkey.

If a sea-monkey wrench my knee.
Baby, you know I’d like the pain.
If a sea-monkey’s on my back.
It don’t mean I snort cocaine.

Hey hey, sea-monkey,
You like to monkey around.
Well, monkey, sea-monkey do
That monkey business all over town

by Elroy “The Chuckwagon” Davis

Another untitled poem…

Dessicated, in a packet;
These ain’t monkeys: what a racket!
Add some water, watch them hatch;
Disposable life, but there’s one catch:
They don’t appear as illustrated;
Monkeys and shrimp are not related.

Submitted by “hyperguy”


I loved you,
My sweet little sea monkey.
My heart was yours,
My soul was jubilant in the realisation of your love.
You were beautiful (well i thought so…)
and I loved you.

I loved you,
my cute little sea monkey.
I knew you loved me too
I could see it in your eyes (your very small eyes…)
We were soul-mates
and I loved you

I loved you,
My dear little sea monkey
I dreamed of our wedding day.
I planned what I’d wear
I bought a cake
because I loved you

I loved you
my poor little sea monkey
My anticipation grew
as our wedding day drew near
Then tragedy struck
My dog ate you
oh how i chided him,
oh how i cried
my poor little sea monkey
because I loved you

Submitted by Judith Croston


Sea-Monkeys in glass
Swimming in a tank of tears
Yearning to be free

From Declan West and Margot Fulcher

If you have a Sea Monkey Bad Poem to add to this page please e-mail the Sea Monkey Lady to have your poem included.


Welcome to the Sea Monkey Bad Poetry Page! Here you will find various odes, haikus, sonnets, and free verse poems all devoted to our favorite briny friends! But not all are devotions or celebrations of love for our aquatic pets: Some are chilling poems, full of death, destruction, and general mayhem. Enter at your own risk!

Songs of Experience
Celebrate your desire for the darker side of Sea Monkey ownership with poems from the Songs of Experience section!

Do you want to submit a poem of your own? Send it to The Sea Monkey Answer Lady and see it here! Please remember to title your poems, otherwise it will be listed as untitled. And you might see it in my next book, so make sure you keep your e-mail address updated with me!

Sea Monkey T-Shirts


This beautiful, luxurious, full color T-shirt comes packed UNIQUELY, as a gift, with love!

“Sea-Monkey Lovers” T-shirts were inspired and created out of a heartfelt desire and intention to support the preservation of our beloved Mother Earth. Only organically grown cotton is used in these T-shirts. This means YOU are an important part of the critical and beautiful movement to SAVE our PLANET! (All materials are made and grown in the U.S.A. using all-American labor!)

Profits from “Sea-Monkey Lovers” T-shirts will go to support the preservation of beautiful MONTROSE WILDLIFE SANCTUARY AND FOREST, THE HOME OF THE “AMAZING LIVE SEA-MONKEYS”. THANKS FOR SUPPORTING SEA-MONKEYS and helping to save MONTROSE FOREST, and keeping our world clean and green.

Best regards,

Yolanda von Braunhut

These limited time T-shirts are no longer available.


So you’re looking to buy your own tank of Sea Monkeys, but you have no idea where to start? Sea Monkeys are plentiful around the world, through mail order, through on line purchases, and through retail purchases! Choose an option and start looking!





If you have found a location — on line or retail — that you want to share,
e-mail the Sea Monkey Lady
with the details and I’ll make sure it gets on the page!


DO YOU WANT TO WIN A COPY OF THE NEW AMAZING VIRTUAL SEA MONKEYS FROM CREATURES LABS? If so, then tell me a story….a fairy tale starting with “Once Upon A Time …” about your Sea Monkeys and their adventures under the sea. We will be picking winners as we have availability of things to give as prizes. Write to the Sea Monkey Answer Lady with your age (0-12, 13 to 18, or adult) and your location (nothing specific, just your country will suffice …)! Drawings and poems are also cheerfully accepted!

SERIOUS END OF THE YEAR PRIZE ALERT! Let’s say you want to win something, but you can’t think of an entry for this month’s contest! Don’t despair — just send me your name, age, and country of origin for a random draw to be held at the end of the year (all the entrants from the contests will be automatically entered!) So far I have assembled five Sea Monkey prize packs that will be full of various things. Some of the stuff I’m hoping to give away will be: Space Shuttle, Racing Kit, Mouse Pad, T-shirt, and a few other tanks. With each of these products will come a variety of the harder-to-get Sea Monkey foods and accessories such as the Cupid’s Arrow, the Sea Medic, the Gro-Kwickly, and more, thanks to the generosity of Transcience! So enter regularly and enter often! Additionally, there will be an extra drawing for the readers of the newsletter, so if you want to register for it, do it now!

Do you have any video tapes relating to Sea Monkeys? For instance, an episode of MTV’s “The State” or an episode of a show where they mention Sea Monkeys? If so, write to me and tell me about it. If I don’t have it, I’ll exchange it with you for a Sea Monkey kit. Or do you have a copy of the first Futurama comic? I don’t want to own it — I just want to read it. A scan will do! Let me know!