BIZARRE RANTINGS FROM SEA-MONKEY

These various ideas and justifications have been submitted to me in the recent months. I have held on to them because I thought that they were too good to pass up but I couldn’t find a place for them on the Sea Monkey Worship Page – now I have. I hope you enjoy these various concepts and ideas which include Sea Monkeys.

They’re alive! They’re alive!

Here are some great pictures from Brian! Brian and his friends decided to be Sea Monkeys for Hallowe’en last year. Personally, I think this look translates well to every day fashion…but that’s just my opinion!

From Bob Ridley…

“Have I got a great use for Sea Monkeys to spread to the entire world. I am currently enrolled in my second year of dentistry at the Medicine Hat College (that would be in Alberta, Canada for those geologically inept), and in my Bio 311 class (a class about all the evolutionary hoopla and related ecological topics) we have to complete a project of our choice worth 10% of our final grade. The others in the class are taking on projects that require taking ph tests of local ponds, some are doing an extensive study on the local algal species, others are doing experiments with local perch. Although these ideas sounded really enjoyable, a partner and I decided to make up and experiment using Sea Monkeys. Of course it only started out as a joke, but the teach seemed very excited and interested so its a go. I’ll let you know how this little chapter out of Sea Monkey Madness works out.

Note: Although this isn’t quite “bizarre” I thought that it was an interesting way to spend your university days! Thanks Bob and I await the update!

 

Slowbean has done a great deal of research and came up with the following:

After researching hundreds of 2000 year old chinese documents, some of which are from the famous Yuan Ming Yaun library, i have discovered an astonishing fact. There are actually 13 signs in the chinese zodiac. Until now there was believed to be only 12, the year of the Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Chicken, Dog, and Pig.

But, because the Chinese didnt count the “leap year” every 4 years, every few thousand years they end up with an extra year. This is the “13th year”, the “Year of the SeaMonkey”.

Next year, 1997, is the Year of the SeaMonkey, and we wont see one again for another 1502 years. So Enjoy it!

The Year of the Sea Monkey…….now I have a reason to live!

Here’s an idea from Ollie:

I have an idea for another product, let me know what you think: LAND MONKEYS! Okay, you know those little bugs that are kinda scaly and curl up into little balls when you bug them? (pun intended) They’re called wood lice, a totally un-appealing name wouldn’t you say? It’d be like trying to market something called, oh… say… brine shrimp or something. But call them Land Monkeys, and you’ve got yourself a hot product! Think of the fun you could have! You can take them out for a roll… you could curl ’em up and shoot them through straws with little messages on their backs (“carrier land monkeys”)… you could watch them play for hours in their little terrarium (included, of course) or put them in a little globe-shaped pendant and wear them to school! The possibilities are endless, as I’m sure you can see!

As a note, there are a group of creatures known as Tardigrades, or “water bears”, that are quite interesting and might be useful for a project like this!


Here’s a great analysis from Danny Mulligan from the Institute for the Advancement of the Sea-Monkey Arts!

I’m writing to you regarding a poem that appears on your sacred page of worship. Since the publication of the Chuckwagon Davis masterpiece “MONKEY, SEA-MONKEY DO,” I received several inquiries about its meaning– some that implied the poem was blastphemous. First of all, I didn’t write the poem, I’m just the guy who holds the Wee-Gee® Brand channeling device that links me beyond the grave to the pen of Elroy “The Chuckwagon” Davis, the poet, prophet, and devoted sea-monkey enthusiast of the 17th Century. I’m merely the middle man– the link between Chuckwagon’s plane of existence and our own. But since I am one of leading “Chuckwagon” scholars, I thought it only appropriate that I offer my own interpretation of the poem both for the purposes of clarification and of contribution to the much neglected literature of sea-monkey poetry criticism. I hope you deem it worthy of your page. The world must not remain in the dark.

___________________
>”Monkey Sea-Monkey Do”
>
>by Elroy “The Chuckwagon” Davis
>
>
>When I eat peanut butter
>Baby, you know I like it chunky.
>But when it comes to pet-deities,
>It’s gotta be sea-monkeys.

Look at what this is saying: Sure chunky peanut butter is great and all, but such corporeal issues are insignificant when compared to the amicability and general all around omnipotence of sea-monkeys.

>I went to see James Brown,
>And I thought he was pretty funky.
>But he don’t gotta thing,
>On my sacred sea-monkey.

James Brown. Think about it. People see him as being the “Godfather of Soul,” or the “Number One Soul Brother”. But James Brown has done time for spousal abuse, and Otis Redding and Wilson Pickett are better anyway. There you go: appearance vs. reality. James Brown, like the peanut butter, pales in comparison to sea-monkeys. (Sea-monkeys of course, are in reality sacred, but they *appear* to be simple aquatic animals.)

>If a sea-monkey wrench my knee.
>Baby, you know I’d like the pain.

Like Job, who sustained faith in God even after God took away everything he had worked for his entire life and killed his family, we must remain loyal to our sea-monkeys– even if they were to arbitrarily damage our knees with big wrenches. The Punnery here and throughout the poem is pure Chuckwagon.

>If a sea-monkey’s on my back.
>It don’t mean I snort cocaine.

Devout worshippers of sea-monkeys are addicted to their religion. (For those of you who don’t know this, be glad I haven’t alerted the Inquisitors!) Cocaine is an addiction that, like the addiction of Sea-Monkey worship, society tends to frown upon.


>Hey hey, sea-monkey,
>You like to monkey around.

Clearly a reference to the theme song of “The Monkees”, the old television program. This is burlesque. Of course The Monkees aren’t of god-like importance. Chuckwagon threw this in to appease the Sea-Monkey’s sense of humor, as well as their (and the rest of the world’s) animosity towards The Monkees.

>Well, monkey, sea-monkey do
>That monkey business all over town.

The gods may do whatever they please wherever they please.

>Whoa, Whoa, Baby, Yeah.

This is the Chuckwagon’s trademark twist, which he often employs at the end of his poems. Up until this point he has been writing in sort of a George Thoroughgood (you know, the “Bad To the Bone” guy) pseudo-blues style. Unexpectedly, he throws in this line, which is clearly in a contrasting Bon-Jovian style. This reawakens the consciousness for the poem’s final affirmation of the general mightiness of sea-monkeys.

I hope this sheds some light on the world’s clouded thinking of what is quite obviously a masterpiece.


More dancing Sea Monkeys courtesy of Brian…Could they star in a Neilsen rating bonanza like the one described here?

Jeff Hampton writes:

I think this could be the next TV Series Craze (in the same vein as “Flipper”) Can’t you just picture a pair of irrascible yet cute,SM’s frolicking in an emerald-green ocean, waiting for two moronic, yet budding, pre-or mid-pubscent girls named Budeena and Sandie? Their widower father is a rugged game warden who always seems to meet up with real dangerous types – for no real apparent reason, except that perhaps criminals don’t like him…anyway Budeena is always going off the deep end and causing trouble. Of course “Widdle” and “Puke” (explaination of names will come in a future cute and funny, yet dangerous, episode) always come to the rescue and exhibit intelligence far beyond their human co-actors…Gotta go to work now (damn)..what do yathink??

Note from Sea Monkey Lady: I think sounds extraordinary Jeff. When I can get some cash together I will make this show – it sounds infinitely more interesting than any episode of “Full House” that I can think of!

If you have any bizarre or interesting ideas write to me!